Cultivating Gratitude When You're Already Overwhelmed: A Practice That Actually Works

You know you're supposed to practice gratitude.

You've seen the research. You've heard about gratitude journals and how they can reduce anxiety, improve sleep, boost mood—all the things you desperately want more of in your life.

But here's what no one talks about: when you're already juggling a demanding career, relationships, maybe kids, aging parents, a never-ending to-do list, and the constant hum of anxiety in the background—adding one more thing to your plate feels impossible.

Even if that thing is supposed to help.

So the gratitude journal sits empty. Or you start strong for three days and then forget about it entirely. And then you feel guilty about that too, because apparently you can't even manage to be grateful properly.

Sound familiar?

Here's what I want you to know: gratitude doesn't have to be another item on your self-improvement checklist. It doesn't require a specific journal, a perfect morning routine, or even feeling particularly grateful in the moment.

Real gratitude—the kind that actually shifts how you move through your days—is simpler, more flexible, and more forgiving than what you've been sold.

Let me show you what I mean.

Five Simple Ways to Practice Gratitude Daily (That Won't Add to Your Mental Load)

These aren't rigid rules. They're not all-or-nothing practices. Pick one that resonates. Try it for a few days. Notice what shifts. And if you forget or fall off? Just come back when you're ready.

1. The Three Good Things Practice

This is one of the most well-researched gratitude exercises, and it's beautifully simple.

What it is: Before bed, notice three things that went well today. They can be tiny—a good cup of coffee, a moment of sunshine, your kid's laugh, getting through a hard meeting without crying.

Why it works: Your brain's negativity bias means it naturally focuses on what went wrong. This practice gently trains your attention toward what went right, even on hard days. You're not denying the difficult stuff. You're just making sure the good stuff gets equal airtime in your mind.

How to do it: Keep it simple. You can write them down in a notes app on your phone, say them out loud to your partner, or just think them as you're falling asleep. No elaborate explanations needed—just three things.

The magic isn't in the format. It's in the consistent practice of redirecting your attention.

2. Gratitude Anchor Moments

If remembering to practice gratitude feels like yet another thing to remember, try piggybacking it onto something you already do every single day.

What it is: Pair gratitude with an existing daily habit—your morning coffee, brushing your teeth, stopping at a red light, washing your hands.

Why it works: When you attach a new habit to an existing one (a technique called habit stacking), it's easier to remember and sustain. Plus, it weaves gratitude into your actual life instead of making it a separate task. You're not adding time to your day; you're adding awareness to moments that already exist.

How to do it: Choose your anchor moment. Each time it happens, pause for just a few seconds and notice one thing you're grateful for in that exact moment.

The warmth of the mug in your hands. The fact that you made it to this moment today. The song on the radio. Your body's ability to carry you through your day.

It doesn't have to be profound. It just has to be true.

3. The "Thank You" Text

Gratitude doesn't have to be a solitary practice. In fact, some of the most powerful gratitude happens in connection with others.

What it is: Once a week, send a quick text to someone who made your life a little easier or brighter. It can be as simple as: "Hey, I was just thinking about you and wanted to say thanks for [specific thing]. It meant a lot."

Why it works: Expressing gratitude strengthens relationships and reminds you of the people in your corner—which, when you're feeling isolated or overwhelmed, is incredibly grounding. It also feels good to make someone else's day. You're creating a ripple of connection and appreciation.

How to do it: Set a weekly reminder if it helps. Keep it short and specific. You're not writing a novel—just acknowledging someone's impact.

Maybe it's your partner for handling bedtime so you could have a moment to yourself. Your coworker for covering that meeting. Your friend for the voice memo that made you laugh. Your mom for the random check-in text.

The specificity matters. "Thanks for being you" is nice, but "Thanks for noticing I was struggling and checking in—it reminded me I'm not alone" lands differently.

4. Gratitude During Difficult Times

This is the practice that often surprises my clients the most, because it works even when (especially when) things feel really hard.

What it is: When you're overwhelmed, anxious, or in the thick of it, pause and ask yourself: "What's one thing that's still okay right now?"

Why it works: This isn't about pretending everything is fine or denying your feelings. It's about finding solid ground when you feel like you're on a tightrope.

Even in genuinely difficult moments, there's usually something that's still okay—your breath, a safe place to sit, a person you could call, the fact that you've survived 100% of your hardest days so far.

How to do it: Notice what's present, not what's missing. Practice "both/and" thinking instead of "either/or."

"I'm stressed about this deadline, AND I'm capable of figuring it out."
"This conversation was really hard, AND I'm proud of myself for having it."
"I'm exhausted, AND I have a comfortable bed to sleep in tonight."

Both things are true. The hard doesn't erase the good, and acknowledging the good doesn't minimize the hard.

This practice has been a lifeline for so many of my therapy clients during panic attacks, overwhelming days, and seasons of grief. It doesn't fix everything, but it reminds you that you're not completely lost.

5. Self-Gratitude Practice

We save this one for last because it's often the hardest…and the most important.

What it is: At the end of the day, acknowledge one thing you did well or one way you showed up for yourself, even if "showing up" just meant getting through the day.

Why it works: If you're like most of my clients, you're incredibly hard on yourself. You notice every mistake, every moment you weren't patient enough or productive enough or present enough. You're your own harshest critic.

Practicing self-gratitude builds self-compassion. It reminds you that you're doing more than you think. That you're worthy of your own appreciation, not just everyone else's.

How to do it: It can be as simple as:
"I'm grateful I asked for help today instead of white-knuckling through it."
"I'm grateful I rested when I needed to, even though my to-do list wasn't done."
"I'm grateful I kept going even though it was hard."
"I'm grateful I chose the kind response instead of the sharp one, even though I was tired."

You deserve your own appreciation too. Not just for your accomplishments, but for your effort. For still being here. For trying.

Making Gratitude Sustainable (Because Perfection Isn't the Goal)

Here's what I tell every client who wants to start a gratitude practice:

The goal isn't perfection. The goal is coming back.

You're going to miss days. You're going to forget. You're going to have weeks where gratitude feels impossible because everything genuinely feels hard.

That's okay. That's normal. That's being human.

Gratitude isn't a test you pass or fail. It's a practice you return to, again and again, in whatever way works for you in that moment.

Some days, it might be the full three-good-things reflection. Other days, it might just be noticing one moment of okayness in the middle of chaos. Some weeks, you might forget entirely.

And then you'll remember. And you'll come back. And that coming back—that's the practice too.

The Benefits of Gratitude Practice for Mental Health

I've watched this shift happen with so many clients over the years.

Not overnight. Not perfectly. But gradually.

They start noticing small moments they would have missed before. A stranger's kindness. Their own resilience. The way the light hits the kitchen counter in the morning.

They stop waiting for everything to be perfect before they allow themselves to feel grateful. They start finding solid ground even on wobbly days.

They realize they don't have to choose between acknowledging what's hard and noticing what's good. Both can exist. Both are true.

And slowly, subtly, they shift from feeling like they're constantly bracing for the next thing to feeling like they're actually in their lives instead of just managing them.

That's what I want for you too.

Not a perfect gratitude practice. Not another thing you have to get right.

Just moments of noticing. Of presence. Of remembering that even in the hard, there's still good. There's still you, doing your best. There's still life worth living, not just surviving.

Frequently Asked Questions About Gratitude Practice

How do I start a gratitude practice when I'm depressed or anxious?

Starting a gratitude practice when you're struggling with depression or anxiety can feel especially challenging, and that's completely normal. Begin with the smallest possible step—even noticing one neutral thing (not necessarily "good") can be enough. Instead of "I'm grateful for my health," try "I noticed the warm water in my shower today." The goal isn't to force positive feelings, but to gently redirect your attention. If traditional gratitude feels impossible, try the "what's still okay right now" practice during difficult moments. And remember, gratitude is a tool to support your mental health, not a replacement for professional help like therapy or medication if you need it.

What's the best time of day to practice gratitude?

There's no single "best" time. The best time is whenever you'll actually do it consistently. Research on the "three good things" practice suggests bedtime works well because it helps your brain process positive experiences before sleep, potentially improving sleep quality. However, morning gratitude practices can set a positive tone for your day. The "anchor moment" approach works anytime you have an existing habit. Experiment with different times and notice what feels most sustainable for you. Consistency matters more than timing.

How long does it take for gratitude practice to work?

Most research shows that consistent gratitude practice can begin shifting your mood and outlook within 2-4 weeks, though some people notice subtle changes sooner. The key word is "consistent". Practicing most days will yield better results than perfect practice for three days followed by weeks of nothing. However, gratitude isn't a quick fix for clinical anxiety or depression. Think of it as one tool in your mental health toolkit, not a cure-all. If you're struggling significantly, gratitude practice works best alongside professional support like therapy.

Is gratitude journaling better than other gratitude practices?

Gratitude journaling is popular and well-researched, but it's not inherently better than other practices. It's just one option. What matters most is finding a practice you'll actually maintain. If you love writing and find journaling meaningful, it's excellent. If journaling feels like homework or another obligation, try verbal practices (saying your gratitudes out loud), mental noting (thinking them before bed), or relational practices (texting thank-yous). The "best" gratitude practice is the one you'll actually do consistently.

Can you practice gratitude while still acknowledging hard things?

Absolutely! In fact, this is essential for authentic gratitude practice. Real gratitude isn't about toxic positivity or pretending everything is fine. It's about "both/and" thinking: "This is really hard AND I'm getting through it" or "I'm struggling AND I have people who care." Bypassing your real feelings to force gratitude actually undermines your emotional health. Healthy gratitude acknowledges the full truth of your experience, including what's difficult, while also making space to notice what's still good or okay. This is especially important when dealing with trauma, grief, or significant life challenges.

What if I can't think of anything to be grateful for?

This is common, especially during particularly difficult periods, and it doesn't mean you're doing it wrong. A few approaches: First, go smaller. Instead of big things like health or family, notice tiny neutral things—your bed was comfortable, you had clean water, you got through another day. Second, try appreciation instead of gratitude: "I appreciate that this moment is quiet" instead of "I'm grateful for..." Third, focus on what's present rather than what you wish were different. And finally, if you genuinely can't access gratitude right now, that's okay. It doesn't make you ungrateful—it might mean you need different support right now, like talking to a therapist or simply giving yourself permission to struggle without adding another expectation.

How is gratitude different from toxic positivity?

This is such an important distinction. Toxic positivity dismisses or invalidates difficult emotions with statements like "just be positive" or "everything happens for a reason." It suggests you should suppress negative feelings and only focus on the good. Real gratitude practice, in contrast, acknowledges the full spectrum of your experience. It says, "Yes, this is hard, AND here's something that's also true." Gratitude doesn't ask you to deny pain, minimize struggles, or pretend to be happy when you're not. It simply invites you to expand your awareness to include both difficulty and goodness when both exist. If your gratitude practice makes you feel worse, more ashamed, or like you're failing, that's a sign it's veering into toxic positivity territory.

Can gratitude practice help with anxiety?

Yes, research shows that regular gratitude practice can reduce anxiety symptoms over time. Here's why it helps: Anxiety often keeps you stuck in future-focused worry or past-focused rumination. Gratitude anchors you in the present moment. It also helps regulate your nervous system by activating the parasympathetic (rest and digest) response rather than the sympathetic (fight or flight) response. The practice of noticing what's okay or good, even in small ways, can interrupt anxiety spirals. However, gratitude is most effective as part of a comprehensive approach to anxiety management that might include therapy (especially CBT or ACT), medication if needed, nervous system regulation techniques, and lifestyle factors. It's a helpful tool, not a standalone cure.

Do I need a special gratitude journal or app?

Not at all. While gratitude journals and apps can be helpful for some people, they're absolutely not necessary. The practice itself is what matters, not the tool. You can use: a notes app on your phone, a regular notebook, voice memos to yourself, a running text thread with a friend, mental noting before bed, or nothing at all except your awareness. Some people find that fancy journals or apps add pressure and make the practice feel performative. Others find them genuinely helpful for consistency. Choose whatever feels easiest and most sustainable for you—the barrier to entry should be as low as possible.

How do I teach my kids to practice gratitude?

Teaching children gratitude works best when it's modeled naturally rather than forced. Instead of demanding "say thank you," narrate your own gratitude: "I'm grateful Grammy called today, it made me smile." At dinner, you might share one good thing from your day and invite (but don't require) kids to share theirs. Keep it age-appropriate and light. For younger children, help them notice small pleasures: "Did you notice how soft that blanket feels?" For older kids and teens, the "both/and" practice works well: "Today was hard because of that test AND I'm glad my friend texted me." The goal is to help them develop the skill of noticing good alongside hard, not to perform gratitude on command.

If you're a millennial professional woman navigating anxiety, overwhelm, or major life transitions, I'd love to support you. My therapy practice specializes in helping over-thinking women move from surviving to thriving—using evidence-based approaches like CBT, EMDR, and values-based work.

Learn more about working together and join my newsletter where I share insights on calm ambition, managing anxiety, and building a life you're genuinely excited about and can fully enjoy.

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About the Author:

Dr. Toni Forbes Berg is a licensed psychologist with over a decade of experience specializing in anxiety, trauma, and perinatal mental health. She founded Emerge Women’s Therapy to help millennial professional women build lives that empower and uplift them, not bury them. Her approach integrates evidence-based therapies like CBT, ACT, and EMDR with other holistic and compassion-based practices.